sábado, 20 de maio de 2006

The Best Art Critique Ever

My blog does have the word "Art" in the name, so I guess I owe my visitors some thoughts about art. Contemporary art, to be precise.
As it turns out, I have no thoughts about contemporary art other than "I hate it, I hate all those people that stare and nod at it for hours, and you can only tell it is art because it is usually ugly as hell and worth obscene amounts of money".

Having studied at the Fine-Arts Faculty in Lisbon, I was often fed the pseudo-intellectual babble meant to convince me that a white ball floating nervously against a black background is in fact a "manifestation of the deconstructed sub conscience subjected to the cognitive reality" or some crap like that.
Well, that never turned me to the dark side, but it did piss me off. So when I read the news about an incident involving a piece of contemporary art at the CAE in Figueira da Foz, I realized it was the Best Art Critique Ever.

The piece was a sculpture named "The Phrases", by artist Jimmie Durham. As you may have guessed by the name, it was a bathroom sink with a broken corner and the pieces lying on the floor next to it.
Enter the cleaning lady... (In my book the most respected art critic ever) Broom in one hand, shovel and trash bag in the other, no doubt horrified by the broken pieces of the otherwise perfectly good bathroom equipment, she picked them up and threw them in the trash.

Later, the Administrator of the art center stated that "an inquiry has been organized to ascertain responsibilities". Well, don’t blame the cleaning lady, she went above and beyond the call of duty when she produced the Best Art Critique ever.
It’s not Jimmie’s fault either. He needed the money, found some portuguese dickheads willing to pay thousands of euros for a piece of art, so he artistically hammered his sink and sold it. That leaves you Mr. Administrator, but don’t worry, you can make the cleaning lady part of the masterpiece. All you have to do is call it a "performance". (Getting someone to nod at it for hours also helps)

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